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Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return.

To obtain, something of equal value must be lost.

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Demeter's frosted kiss



September 1st, 2009

This is insane so just bear with me, I know my life is a bit confusing to most of you, hell could you imagine how I feel?! So ok, here it goes:

Sunday I awoke to a message being left on the machine from my lil sister basically telling me that I NEEDED to call her back ASAP. So of course I did....she told me that my grandmother is giving me her 3 bdrm 2 bath townhouse that is on the reservation in Gary, Oklahoma(that I later found out the town is named after my great great great grandpa)...then my dad tells me that there's a "garage"(that's more like a barn) filled with vehicles that need some TLC and are just waiting to be claimed......Then I was told that my grandma is getting me a job as a LNA two blocks down from where I'll be living......and that because we're living on the reservation that my health insurance will be free....AND the nursing home where I work gives out scholarships and grants for people to further their education........the house is in tiptop condition and all I have to do is live there and pay utilities............um......phwew!!!!


Holy shit my head is still spinning!!! I mean I knew that my family on my dad's side was loaded but JESUS H. CHRIST!!! I can't believe it!!! I'm still in shock!!!

On top of it all I get to go down there with my lil sis Krystel!!! Can we say mothafuckin' roadtrip!!!! We're prolly getting a U-haul and hopefully gonna take our sweet time gettin down there because that's a lot of miles to be split between two people driving...phwew!!!

So here's how the trip is going to go:

I'm gonna spend the rest of the week in New Hampshire packing things and tying up loose ends(hopefully I will be able to......transportation and willingness to "let go" or "keep truckin'/lovin'" dunno....).

Then I'm off to Plattsburgh to get some loose ends tied up there and to get my kitty and the rest of my shit from my step mom's place. I also can't wait to see my little brothers and sisters, mothers and father, and some friends.(whom I've missed dearly)

Then back to NH for a night to get spooky and my stuff from here. Plus I really want Krystel to meet everyone in my life over here(whom I love dearly). Not to mention, it's gorgeous here and I think she'd really like it.

Then time and budget allotted I'd like to find a place in Boston where we can all crash for a night or two so I can show her all the fun places I used to roam and my family/friends who still live there.:)

Talking about tying up loose ends, we've got to stop in Iowa to see the dying half of our family. I know that sounds insensitive but honestly, it's the truth. My mother is dying from diabetes, my aunt Dana has COPD and still smokes, my Aunt Mickey has lung cancer and is past due her "due date", my grandmother is crippled by parkinsons, diabetes, and mental illness, my other aunt Lynn had a traumatic brain injury and has no real short term memory because she was shot in the face some years back. so um yeah, I'm not close to any of them but I do want to pay my respects and see them one last time before EVERYONE dies.....

Anyhoot, then we're off to Oklahoma to claim what my grandmother of 78 yrs old has bestowed upon me. I know it sounds cheezy but seriously, my grandmother had 10 children and has like 40 grandchildren/great-granchildren and the fact that she picked me for this wonderful opportunity baffles and astounds me......i'm still so very shocked by the whole thing.....hooo---boy---!!! ::breathing into a paperbag::

December 2nd, 2007

Oh well

How truly sad some people are. Wow, that's all I have to say is, wow....

November 23rd, 2007

You aren't worth my time.

Go fuck yourself.

October 18th, 2007

Eye opening

I've come to realize that no matter what I do and no matter the situation, a certain person will always draw her own conclusion instead of attempting to get the right answers and that's fine.

Life has been peaceful since this person has been concentrating on other things(especially other things that they should be attended to), but alas another attempt at trying to help out a person that I love very much has been thwarted by her accusations and self-righteous assumptions.

That's just it, the action was done out of love and concern for a child who came to me crying because of the ridicule she was suffering at home and at school. I just gave her the tools and showed her the way but I guess that makes me evil once again.

I'm not going to allow this person's destructive comments negate all that I've worked towards in building a healthy working relationship with those who are near and dear to me.

Despite her misguided opinions, our dynamic out at my father's house hasn't always been smooth but it works out for all of us. There is no deception and no one is suffering. We work out our problems as they come to us(just like every other family) and are there for each other when we are needed because that is how it should be.

True I stumbled along the way and for the first time in many years, my father extended HIS hand toward me and I accepted. About every day he tells me how special I am to him and how he's so grateful that I'm with him, it feels really nice to know that in my heart. Time really does heal and in time many things in the past have faded to greener pastures and a loving future.

::le sigh:: I am blessed!

July 30th, 2007

Friends ONLY


Comment to be added.

July 29th, 2007

friends only

Well, seeing how some people just can't stop reading my LJ even though they claim to want nothing to do with me and are so "DONE", I'm making my lj friends only.

This person is so miserable, controlling, petty, and manipulative that they can't stand to see anyone happy so they have to make everyone else's life a living hell. I'd rather avoid the situation entirely and leave them to their pathetic miserable existence while I lead a wonderful life with many who support and love me.

I'm sorry that it has to come to this people but I don't want this woman using what I write against my father. She's already done enough to him and I'm not giving her the ammo to kick him while he's down.

All I have to say is that I'm grateful that the full-moon is here and energies are running high. Hopefully it will aide karmic powers to give her back what she dishes out.

July 28th, 2007

Praise the full-moon

"Great Spirit Prayer"
....Ancient Prayer....

"Oh, Great Spirit, whose voice I hear in the wind,
Whose breath gives life to all the world.
Hear me; I need your strength and wisdom.

Let me walk in beauty, and make my eyes ever
behold the red and purple sunset.

Make my hands respect the things you have made
and my ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise so that I may understand
the things you have taught my people.
Help me to remain calm and strong in the
face of all that comes towards me.

Let me learn the lessons you have hidden
in every leaf and rock.
Help me seek pure thoughts and act with the
intention of helping others.
Help me find compassion without empathy
overwhelming me.
I seek strength, not to be greater than my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy - Myself.
Make me always ready to come to you with clean hands
and straight eyes.
So when life fades, as the fading sunset,
my spirit may come to you without shame.

"May you always walk in Beauty."

Thursday morning we went out for breakfast at Gus' Redhots. I had gotten quite a bit in my check(I guess my hard work did pay off). Then we went clothes shopping FINALLY(I've been needing new clothes for a while now). I discovered some excellent finds at Salvation Army!!! I love that place! :)

Anyhoot! We went and shopped for supplies and for food for the next couple weeks. My goddess, it's freakin' nice to see the cabinets and refridgerator full again (We haven't been really caring about food lately because getting caught up on bills were more important).

So then we went out to my Dad's to borrow his camping gear for Saturday. We ended up spending a couple hours out there just chatting it up and watching Emplyee of the month(which was a hunk of shit with a very few good parts to it, no wonder Jessica Simpson never gets movie rolls anymore).

We went home and played around a bit then went to bed early. Friday was great, I was in a good mood and ready to hit the road. Great Escape was awesome! The best parts were when we went on the spinning rides and both of us declared very loudly that there was no god and looked like we were going to cry/vomit. Ha ha! good times!!!!

We went through story town, which for those of you that have never gone to that great escape, it is a section dedicated to Alice and Wonderland, the wild west, and various other things to invoke the imagination. I fear that with the demand for bigger and faster things that this part may disappear in the years to come. So I took some great pictures and I and Justin sat by the waterfall eating funnel cake in front of the saloon.:)

The ride home was a little tretcherous because there was construction most the way and I thought my tires were going to fall off...ugh! Alas though we were home and cuddled on the couch for a while before bed, my favorite time of day...:)

Saturday was fantastic, we ran our errands and went up to see Ethan and Dad before we set off for our camping excursion....::le sigh:: that boy is getting so big...

Off we were towards skies of blue and rolling hills!!! Justin was speechless(which is a hard place to get him to, lol) and I was so happy to see him in awe of the raw majesty of nature.

We got to the campground but they were filled up but gave us directions to another one that was absolutely gorgeous and off set from the road. It rested on the shores of a gorgeous pond at the bottom of a rolling mountain. It was breathtaking!

We set up camp and got our firewood then headed up to the A&W shop outside of Lake Placid because the gorge was closed, grrr!!!!! But we were so cute it could make one vomit. We drank a float with two straws and fed each other fries, tee hee hee, I love that wonderful man of mine!

When we got back to the camp we...well..I rather... started the fire(he hasn't gone camping much in his life). We roasted hotdogs and made smores then sat back chatting and drinking a couple of beers. Once it got dark we walked down to the pond and I must say it was a perfect end to a perfect night, we danced under the milkyway and gazed at the moon....::sigh::

July 17th, 2007


"The shortest distance between two points is always under construction."
- Noelie Alite

Isn't that the fuckin' truth?! I've been so exhausted this past week and have often times felt as though I were stuck in perpetual motion. I know life can never always be smooth sailing but at least we all have each other.

I just got done doing a long stretch at work. I actually enjoyed it for the most part. Sunday night I had this older gentleman that had alzheimer's and dementia. Apparently he'd been terrorizing staff because he was confused and unsteady on his feet. I found out though that with a little patients and understanding he could be a very pleasant individual. I knew that most people who have illness that dements the mind it's best to refer to the times that they would remember the most, which are when they were younger.

Once I got him started on talking about his past and what he did for a trade, he just kept going. Apparently he was an engineer in the air force during WWII and owned a farm during the great depression. The things that he was talking about I could only imagine how wonderful yet terrifying it was to live during those times. I find old people to be really fascinating and relics to be treasured.:)

Anyhoot! I got a few things taken care of yesterday like having my transcripts sent to CVTec because my interview is tommorrow for the LPN program ::crosses fingers::. I also applied for really good health insurance, hopefully I get that. And FINALLY I started the ball rolling on getting my own BIA card so I can go up to the reservation to get my teeth done. Yay!

This week is going to be insane. Tommorrow I'm doing my interview and then taking my dad up to Lake Placid for his appointment. Then on thursday I'm getting paid so I'm getting the car tuned up, groceries, and clothes. I also think that we may be heading over to Burlington to go to the Roxy.

On Friday our mini-vacation starts. We're going to Great escape and probably staying in a hotel there. I'm not sure what is going on on Saturday but I think we may be going horseback riding and camping. I can't wait! Finally, all my hard work is paying off!:)

Then Sunday I'm back to work for quite a few days....ugh! Oh well, at least I had my fun!

July 13th, 2007

news and such

Can anyone name the original seven wonders of the world? Most can't but I found it interesting that recently they voted for the new seven wonders of the world because the only one of the original seven still standing is the pyramid of giza.

Among the new: Chichen Itza, Christ the Redeemer, The Great wall, Machu Pichu, Petra(Indiana Jones and the last crusade), Taj Mahal, The Roman Coloseum, and finally the pyramid of Giza.

If you want to read more about it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Seven_Wonders_of_the_World

There are living goddesses in Nepal:


Duh, this guy totally looks like a serial killer:


I can attest to this:

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